the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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