question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
