did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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