Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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