She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
