Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
