Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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