woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
