In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
