If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
