Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
