its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
