Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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