Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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