nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
