my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
