I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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