I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sex in a hospital.. check
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
