It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
