she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
