Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
