I hate all girls vehemently.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
