Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
