Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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