Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize