i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
