shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love you.
Bad choice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
