Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
