I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
