Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
