I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
