i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
