end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My pussy is not your playground.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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