you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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