i permit you to call me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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