Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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