I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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