We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
