Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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