i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
