I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
