remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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