Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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