If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
