I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
