And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
where does the pee come out of this thing
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
