I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
