So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
pray to the hookup gods
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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