What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
