Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
