Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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