There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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