R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
