Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
