I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i've created a new STD.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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