My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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