what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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