I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize