she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
