Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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