Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
