I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
