We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
