Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
