ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
