How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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