Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
