I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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