Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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