Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
