I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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