After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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