hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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