So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
