I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
