I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
