The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
