Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
