she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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