I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
