I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
