Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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