ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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