So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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