Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
