I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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